I thought this confusion was over.

I have been so confused about…everything, recently.

For the past year, I have been comfortable with the label of biromantic asexual. I don’t feel sexual attraction, and I would be in a relationship with men, women, and anyone outside and in between. But lately I’ve been wondering whether I’ll have to change that.

I think I might be a lesbian.

The asexuality is still there. I have no confusion over that. But I’ve been thinking about relationships with men a lot recently and how much the idea does not appeal to me. Like at all. And the urge to have a girlfriend is incredibly strong, almost to the point where I would be looking for a girlfriend if I knew if I was single or not (me and my sort of ex are kind of back together. He is male. I think you realise the problem here)

I’m starting to think my sort of ex was an exception, that he is one of the only men I would be in a romantic and sexual relationship in. And I think I’m confused because there is a part of me that wants to be with him, but the part of me which is saying “You really like girls what are you doing” is shouting over it and it’s hard to understand it all.

I’m hoping I can sort this all out in my head.

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It’s been a loooong time. How have you been?

Portal references aside…

So I’ve been neglecting this blog which is a bit unfortunate. It’s nice to have somewhere to talk to and get feedback from people I don’t know and while Tumblr can do that I still have irl friends on there which probably do not care about my personal life that much.

A lot has happened. I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety (not surprising, I’ll be honest), my boyfriend broke up with me, we (kinda) got back together, I’ve decided to open an Etsy store for generic hand knit and crochet items, the unicorn plushes just weren’t going right and I got frustrated.

Hopefully I can spend more time on here.

Update! Guild Wars 2 is awesome.

Because I pre-purchased the game I got into the 3 day headstart, and my god was it worth it. I’m too tired to go into details right now (I’ve been playing all day) but I’ll post some screenshots for you all. Sorry there’s no knitting or crochet, I’ve been having too much fun with this.

If you want to add me as a friend my ID is Ketta.2634, and I’m on the EU server Piken Square :D

FO Friday has not come around for me this week.

My wrist has never quite been the same since I crocheted an exhibition piece for work experience about 2 years ago. I had to crochet non-stop for about 4 days in order to get it done in time, and I must have done something. Needless to say I can’t knit or crochet as much as I used to be able and I do need regular breaks. Or at least I tell myself that.

I don’t want to make it worse so I’m having to take a break for a bit, hence no FOs. I have worked a bit on my jumper and am on the last decrease row, and I’ve been trying to figure out how long it takes or me to make one unicorn so I can price accordingly. I’ve run out of stuffing though so I can’t work on it until I get paid so I can buy some  more.

I might not post for a few days, because a new MMORPG (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game) called Guild Wars 2 (you might have heard of it) is coming out in a few hours, and I do like my MMORPGs. I’ve been waiting for this for years as well, so my attentions will be diverted haha.

Hopefully I’ll be able to get a wrist brace and my wrist will hurt less so I can get some crochet and knitting done soon.

Feedback on my WIP pattern? (WIP Wednesday)

As you may or may not have seen from my last post, I am making a unicorn pattern based on the one I made for my friend. I’m not just changing a few rows here and there, it’s more like using it as a base and adding and taking away things, or changing things completely. I think what I have done so far is sufficiently different from the original pattern to be called it’s own.

Bear in mind this is a WIP, and I still have the horn and legs to do. I am changing the tail as it just doesn’t match with the mane at all and it’s a bit too low down to look right. The colours are from yarn in my stash that I just had a lot of, but I’m regretting the black for testing and modifying, it’s so hard to see. :<

I tried doing short-ish legs but they just looked odd with the full sized head and body, so I’m thinking either proportioned legs or longer than usual legs? I’ll be trying these out later today when it’s not 3am, but I was wondering what people thought. He’s about 5 inches tall right now without limbs.

I’ll probably use safety eyes instead of buttons since this won’t be child safe anyway with the mane the way it is, unless I decide I like the aesthetic or if other people like it.

I’m happy with it so far, but I’ll see how I feel after I have some sleep, but right now I’m proud with what I came up with. Nothing I have made so far has followed the original pattern exactly, just as a guide for measurements. The head is a completely different shape as well, more realistic and less cute. I’d prefer it if it was a bit cuter but I’m not sure how to do that without making it silly. Maybe bigger eyes or a wider top head? Figure that out later.

Writing a crochet pattern takes a lot of time and effort.

I think I have finally made the decision to make and sell crocheted items, specifically toys. I am currently trying to write and make a pattern that is similar to what I made for my friends birthday, but different enough so I’m not copying or whatever. I guess I’m using that pattern as a base or guide to get basic shapes right? Usually I just guess.

As you can see there are a lot of changes and re-writes. There will probably be more to come and with gradually change more and more.

I was thinking of making them all or most OOAK (One of a Kind) since doing the same thing over and over does get a bit boring after a while, however I was also thinking of making an LGBT*QIA (or whatever that acronym is now) section, so there would be asexual pride unicorns and gay pride unicorns and genderqueer pride unicorns etc etc and I don’t think I’d get bored of that? I’ll see how it goes.

To come out or not to come out…

As you might have noticed if you’ve looked at my profile, I identify as a panromantic asexual. This means that I do not experience sexual attraction, but I am capable of feeling romantic attraction for every gender. This doesn’t mean I don’t want or have sex, and there are plenty who do (including me) because they enjoy it. There are asexuals out there who do not want or desire sex though, or do just for their partner.

I can find people attractive, because there are things such as aesthetic attraction and sensual (I hate that word) attraction. Here is a list and what they mean: http://asexualeducation.tumblr.com/post/16002477979/different-types-of-attraction

As you can see this can get quite complicated quite quickly, which is why I didn’t realise I was asexual until a few months ago. There is also the misconception that asexual = celibate, which is just not true. I knew I wanted to have sex at some point and found I it was fun so the thought didn’t occur to me. I just thought I was either a confused heterosexual or a confused bisexual. This started from around 12 years old.

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Getting soaked at an 18th

I managed to get a lift from a friend to help get me to my friends house where the party was being held, and the first thing we saw was a giant inflatable slide. When she said bouncy castle I thought she just meant a small thing, not a huge tall slide. It was fun to go down though.


I had hastily wrapped her present in an old box I found and covered it in wrapping paper. I had the genius idea of covering the inside with duct tape, since it hid the joins. Improvisation is my strong point, how do you think I passed English?

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I personally think it looks like an improvised coffin, but it worked and she got to the party safely. I guess my friend could also reuse the box too, so that’s a thing.

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I sense a birthday coming on.

It’s one of my friends birthday parties on the 18th and I have yet to make her a present. Technically her birthday was on the 11th, but there was no way of seeing her then.

After asking one of our mutual friends for a list of things she likes, and knowing I can not  make something like a scarf in a day, I was a bit relieved to see she liked things things that could be made into amigurumi. Like unicorns.

http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/lil-baby-unicorn

Yeah.
I’m thinking of making two of these, a generic cute one and a zombie one but I’m not sure if that’s a bit over-ambitious. I’m much faster at crochet than I am with knitting though, and they don’t seem too big. It’s also an excellent opportunity to use up some of my stash yarn that wouldn’t get used otherwise.
I’m thinking of maybe purple, lilac and white for the cute version, and green, dark green, and some other decay-ish clour for the zombie one if I get round to it. I’m thinking blue or something but I’m not sure.
I’v been knitting a lot recently for the Ravellenics and just because I want to get this jumper finished, so I might need a small break after this. My hand is already screwed up from doing an exhibition piece for work experience, and I don’t really want to make it worse. If anyone has any tips to stop wrist pain then please feel free to tell me.

I’m making a jumper (WIP Wednesday)

I got one of Kim Hargreaves books “Heartfelt: The Dark House Collection” for Christmas last year, and I still hadn’t made anything from it. Since my knitting skills have improved since then I thought it was time to try and tackle one.

I decided on “Emily”, since it seemed easy enough but not so easy that I’d get bored, plus I love the shape of it and while the sleeves aren’t what I’d usually go for, I quite like them in this design.

In order to make this a relatively cheap project and not horrendously expensive, I decided to use Hayfield Aran in Lavender instead of the suggested Rowan Kid Classic. It also means it’s washable, and since I have no time or patience to handwash what I own 99% of what I make have acrylic in it anyway.
At first I was afraid I’d get bored of it since there are a lot of rows using only 4.5mm needles, while I imagine that’s pretty standard it still seems pretty small to me. I managed to finish the back panel in about 5 days on and off, and that is the most time consuming piece to make so I’m hoping the rest won’t take too much more time. I plan to knit the sleeves two at a time so not only are they the same length, it should also go a little quicker.
Here is my progress so far:
                                     
I was a bit worried it would be too big, but since my gauge is a bit smaller and I made the next size down because my size seemed to big as well, I’m wondering if it might be a bit too small, and with my large chest I might need to do that portion in the medium size. I’ll figure it out when I get to it.