I have been so confused about…everything, recently.
For the past year, I have been comfortable with the label of biromantic asexual. I don’t feel sexual attraction, and I would be in a relationship with men, women, and anyone outside and in between. But lately I’ve been wondering whether I’ll have to change that.
I think I might be a lesbian.
The asexuality is still there. I have no confusion over that. But I’ve been thinking about relationships with men a lot recently and how much the idea does not appeal to me. Like at all. And the urge to have a girlfriend is incredibly strong, almost to the point where I would be looking for a girlfriend if I knew if I was single or not (me and my sort of ex are kind of back together. He is male. I think you realise the problem here)
I’m starting to think my sort of ex was an exception, that he is one of the only men I would be in a romantic and sexual relationship in. And I think I’m confused because there is a part of me that wants to be with him, but the part of me which is saying “You really like girls what are you doing” is shouting over it and it’s hard to understand it all.
I’m hoping I can sort this all out in my head.
I refuse to knit scarves. Or, at least, scarves with ends. Infinity scarves are fine, you can get away with making those shorter than usual because it’s already around your neck.
But normal scarves would kill me. So many rows, in such fine yarn (most of them, anyway)
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t want to try making a lace weight scarf but the chance of it happening is almost 0.
I found out about the KAL Temperature scarf, where you assign colours of yarn to temperature ranges, so if you assigned red to 20C – 25C, and the temperature that day was 23C, you would knit a row of red. And you continue like this everyday for a year.
I’m confident this is a scarf I can make, simply because I’m only expected to do one row a day. It can’t be that hard (unless I get bored – a possibility)
Portal references aside…
So I’ve been neglecting this blog which is a bit unfortunate. It’s nice to have somewhere to talk to and get feedback from people I don’t know and while Tumblr can do that I still have irl friends on there which probably do not care about my personal life that much.
A lot has happened. I was diagnosed with depression and social anxiety (not surprising, I’ll be honest), my boyfriend broke up with me, we (kinda) got back together, I’ve decided to open an Etsy store for generic hand knit and crochet items, the unicorn plushes just weren’t going right and I got frustrated.
Hopefully I can spend more time on here.
Your least favorite?
I’m not sure what my least favourite would be, probably the amount of stuffed toys I have made. They don’t really have a use (and crocheting them takes less time)
What is your favorite piece that you’ve knit?
Definitely my Dragonfly Wings shawl/scarf. It’s the first shawl I made and I had beading on it too, and I just want to wear it all the time. It’s way too hot for that now but in Autumn and Winter it’ll be lovely.
I need some place to share either my thoughts, ideas, achievements and failures to a website I know no one knows me on. I do have a Tumblr (here : http://ovaria.tumblr.com/ ) but there are several friends on there that follow me, so I never feel comfortable telling that particular blog everything that is going wrong or what I feel etc. It gets quite annoying and it’s not exactly healthy. So I made this.
Not to say that this is just going to be a doom and gloom blog, actually it’s most likely to be filled with my cats, or my knitting and crochet, or awesome trips like when I go to Eurogamer this year and the London Expo again in October. It also gives me an excuse to take lots of pictures.